Gryphon's Lair

the one

2010-08-08T11:28:00.003+08:00

i know you are the one, my black magic woman, when you dig the likes of journey, steely dan, earth wind and fire, kool and the gang, midnight star, whitney houston.

it's painful to be born in a place you dont feel you belong. sometimes u just wish you were born white, black, in UK, US, OZ, NZ..anywhere but..here.

the reality

2010-08-07T14:51:00.002+08:00

everytime i think: oh how good it would be to do this or that, i end up disappointed 99% of the time. just like internships. wanted to do it so badly. but when ure in it, it's really overrated.

human nature is selfish. everybody's looking for that cute person for himself or herself, loving someone really for what he/she is, not who he/she is. it's this self-serving mentality that contributes to all these transient relationships, because people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. go ask yourself - if one day he or she is ugly, fat, incapacitated, would your love for him/her waver? i cant even answer that myself.

when you donate half of your billion dollar fortune to charity, why not make it anonymous? we always want to make ourselves known. even when we act in apparent kindness, there's always this ulterior motive - to make ourselves feel good. altruism always has a selfish side - can one argue otherwise?

work is human-created. all these people who want to work more, is it because they enjoy their work? oh i enjoy serving my clients, making them happy. i enjoy this, and that legal work. that business. this work is just there for someone to profit, you do the work because you yourself want to profit from it monetarily or otherwise. this work i'm referring to does not include social work, etc of course. nowadays i see even doctors, nurses complain about their work. what happened to the nobility of the profession?

if you aint got no money take your broke ass home. how damn right is that. if i dont want to spend, i'm not able to meet those friends i have. socialising necessarily requires money. well yes you can go cheap, but you still need money. which makes u think very simplistically - no money = no friends? to a large extent this is also the ugly truth. unless u have working friends picking up the tab all the time, but it's just not sustainable, is it?

if you are really in long-term pain, only those suffering chronically will be able to empathize. the rest just think - well it's not my problem, what do i care?

i've lost the bulk of my passion for materialism. partly because i have enough, mostly because it just doesn't matter anymore. there's no enthusiasm for anything.

watershed

2010-07-28T10:36:00.003+08:00

this victory will be extra sweet for me. all my good friends who know of this tumultuous journey will know exactly what i'm talking about. so this is a good occasion to thank my best buddies, my inner circle - Bryant, Weng Lock, Xiaohui especially. thank you for hearing me out.

i go into this with full knowledge that the corporate world is not going to be happy and dandy. indifference is the way to go. im past jaded. just acceptance. quiet acceptance. and a strong will to fight on.

unlike most people who bitch bout nothing, i actually have real, physical problems. but u know, it ain't over till it's over.

so right now, just waiting to graduate, pass the PLC, and many more hurdles lie ahead. waiting.

im not gonna be like yaya papaya about this though. i've learnt so much more about life this time. humbling experience is really an understatement.

i also say

2009-06-19T14:48:00.002+08:00

don't be with someone u can live with,
be with someone u can't live without

cliche but classic. and true.

randomness

2009-06-19T14:40:00.002+08:00

i saw this woman 2/3 days ago in the office lift. her eyes looked like they were wide open (the kind of look u give when ure shocked etc). i thought she was trying to be spastic. but then i realised that her eyes were like this involuntarily. man i feel so sad for her. thank God she's married (saw a ring on 4th finger - then again it doesnt mean anything nowadays) - at least someone sees the beauty in her. bless her dear Lord.

if i werent working, i'd be whiling away my time, doing stupid stuff and basically spending money without any input. thankfully i've overcome the initial inertia and out of my comfort zone. then again, i dont wanna be a no-lifer and work my ass off.

24 and prison break

2009-06-10T21:52:00.002+08:00

these two fantastic tv dramas have taught me so much about life.

finishing 7 seasons of 24 and 4 of prison break is so emotional. it's like coming full circle. it's like at the end of your life, and you looking back at the defining moments. it's like finishing exams, or reading a book. books are especially so. u just want to flip each page and also read it properly to get to the end and know what's in store. when ure finally there, ure at a loss. suddenly there's like so much time, no more book to read, and the emo journey has finally ceased. it's like retirement. it's like servicing your car and not having a car for one day feels like not having it ever before.

but im really going to enjoy this hols. i wont complain abt boredom or miss the library. i wont even miss making money. because i'm kinda past all this. maybe i'm past this too fast. but growing up too fast is kinda like an insurance against winding up dead prematurely. so it's like been there, done that.

another random thought: is it better to lose your sight, or your hearing? i cant decide. but if push comes to shove, point a gun at me and i'll go for hearing - cos music is my life.

blame it on the boogie

2009-05-28T00:27:00.002+08:00

just like ABBA sang - thank you for the music, the songs we're singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing. who can live without it, i ask in all honesty, what would life be? without a song or a dance what are we? so i say thank you for the music, for giving it to me.

one of my biggest regrets is not being able to play any instrument. do vocal chords count?

music is the love of my life. who would argue with that? wonderful. not just R & B, but good old 80s music. maybe it contributes to emo-ness, but it just makes me happy.

so being able to hear music is a gift. heaven sent. it's not so much like eating, where u can have 3 michelin stars, but it's just ingested, excreted and that's that. so much for food. nowadays im so sick of food. ok chicken? done. eat more veges? done. fish, duck, foie gras, snails, liver, intestines...beef? the rest is what...carbo? ban mian, noodles, rice, pasta, croissant, subway, burgers...everyday we eat the same thing it's just so sian. so i eat to keep full. but of course i do enjoy food. give me hokkien mee, sting ray, almond jelly, tony romas ribs, greenwood fish, gelare waffles, oh the works...anytime. that's the problem when u drive everywhere - u eat until sian. then it's all meaningless - refer to Ecclesiastes. meaningless.

but somehow music is different. it's indescribable.

2009-05-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wake up and i think, what if i'm dead - i'm gone forever. it's such a depressing feeling, i imagine every part of my body vapourising. for a brief moment, i begin to treasure every part of my body. i begin to miss myself, looking at myself 100 years down the road when i'm dead and gone (yes, the song). how could life be so...sad

i drove back to chinese high that day. from the clock tower, i looked down at the track and saw all the little boys training. a few years back i was one of those minions slogging my life away, training 4 times a week for the 'glory of the school', then 2 years slogging for the 'nation'. everything is a process, u are just a pawn in this game. u are just another product of the factory. u are replaceable. if u're defective, off you go, from the production line, into the bin. and the cycle of life continues on and on. so you think u're a superstar, you're a gold medallist, a record holder. a few years later, some youngster will beat your record. a few years later, the same type of students will get the same scoldings from the same track n field teacher, get the same kind of academic results, go to the same schools, we cant help but put you in a box, because that's what life does to all of us. and occasionally there are the 3 dimensional people, the larger-than-life people, but these are few and far between, like the blue diamond being auctioned off for a record price. those are like vicissitudes of life - random and rare.

nevertheless, being gone forever is a sad thing. each and every person is unique. if they're gone forever, it's such a waste. there was once a GP question which proposed the statement : society needs its eccentrics. indeed, each and every individual is a unique entity and that's the concept - beauty in diversity.

but without a God, we're all gone. now you see it now you don't. how sad is that. all the achievements count for nothing.

on the other hand, being in heaven for an eternity is unfathomable. how? is there a middle ground between eternally alive and eternally gone? which one is better?

this is just about the epitomy of randomness

school of hard knocks

2009-05-27T00:29:00.002+08:00

a lot of people wish they are schooling forever, refusing to start work.

my sentiments are quite the opposite. being financially independent is a form of self-empowerment. you have self-respect, u dont ask money from your parents, no one bosses u around (except at work). you dont have to always subscribe to what your parents think (this is different from respecting ur parents, if u know what i mean).

it's disappointing when people who do not earn their own money spend it like nobody's business. eat good food, buy good stuff. i am guilty of that, too. but at least i earn some of my own money.

when u only know how to enjoy life, not how to save, how to earn your own keep, that's when u should be worried. because u are a professional at consumption, which anyone can be good at, and not a professional at investment - investing in vital skills which will provide u with the necessary funds for consumption.

when your life is so happy and dandy, happening, social, u have financial freedom thanks to ur parents, good for you. but when shit happens, it's gonna hit one so hard he/she wouldn't come around to realising what hit him. and sometimes, one problem is all it takes to bring a person down.

a very good example is when u put a lot of emotions into one person. never ever let the person become your emotional pillar. it's almost always unavoidable, but when that happens, and when u lose the person, due to natural causes or otherwise, ur world crumbles. and people sometimes never recover from that.

i guess that's what a lot of people lack - lack of threats to emotional or financial security. i still believe that adversity hardens people. for me, for all that i've seen and experienced, it has made me numb. which isn't good. but living too sheltered a life is dangerous. sometimes protection is a form of harm.

2009-05-26T23:47:00.004+08:00

there are many kinds of friends - the ones you go out with, the ones who really listen to you, the ones who hang out with you cos they think you're cool, others who hang out with you because they have something to get out of you, everything happens for a reason.

in law sch, as many have told me, you get more of the make-use-of-you category. people who come to you if they think you're a smart deans lister, if you're a good-looker, if you're happening, if you can find cool places to eat with them etc etc.

personally, i dont go for the fairweather types. i stay clear of them. already as it is, it's pretty hard to identify who belongs to that category. thank God for genuine people in law sch, people who are not exactly the most gd looking, rich, happening, but whom you know will be there for you if you need them, anytime, anyday, just as I expect myself to do likewise.

people who do not judge X simply because of what people say about X. these are the people i respect and need as friends. people who are willing to know u better and see for themselves what kind of person u are instead of merely listening to what others say about X and condemning X. people who actually have a mind of their own.

but i think, no more mr nice guy. no more fetching whoever all the way back to your doorstep, or offering to do so. dont expect such things from me anymore (that doesnt mean i wont do it - just dont expect it) because i find that no matter what u do for certain ppl, going out of your way to fetch them, it counts for shit. they dont appreciate it, they sometimes make fun of u (ok it may be jokes but there's a limit), they just take it for granted.

but among all others, i'd like to thank God for good friends, because they got my back, and I got theirs.

i dont understand how come ppl have 381839769 friends on facebook. i mean, ask urself, when it comes to the crunch, how many ppl can u truly rely on and call for help? that's the litmus test.

What do AWARE and NUM have in common?

2009-05-26T23:42:00.002+08:00

I've decided to revive this blog because i'm insanely free nowadays and i'm totally digging it.

on a side note:

Walk into any New Urban Male shop, and u'll see the likes of

SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS

ARE YOU AWARE?

it's hilarious.

wake me up when april 07 ends

2005-10-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

there must be a conclusion.

can't leave this blog like this...

well...let's just say i have moved on to other things.

yup. take care n enjoy life

straight up

2005-10-07T16:02:00.000+08:00

throughout my entire education, even until this period of time in my workplace, i have met a gazillion people, but none of them can be as irritating as a certain group.

one of my chinese high upper sec classmates. everytime i asked to copy his maths homework, because i couldn't follow and wanted to see his methods, he would refuse.

when i was in j1, this tutor also gave me the same reply when i asked him how to do the question: what do you think? i'm thinking like freaking hell im paying you to teach me and u dare ask me this question? then what? F OFF.

today history repeated itself. i asked a colleague how to do a certain thing and he simply refused to teach me. he said i should learn myself. come on ppl dont have background in programming and then no "it's very easy wad". yah u think u can learn to walk in days? not a chance. i'm not saying i refuse to learn. i just want to take it slow at my own pace. please don't throw me into the deep sea and ask me to swim.

i really am tempted to swear off right here right now. BUT

i shall not.

ephemeralism

2005-09-29T21:03:00.000+08:00

i come to realise that blogging is stupid for a multitude of reasons and while i regret taking so long to come to this conclusion, i'm just as forgiving of myself, because we all will come to realise certain things someday, somehow.

a colleague of mine didn't really come to work this week except for one day. it's just quite strange how nobody ever mentioned him...i mean we're colleagues but is that all to it? don't you even show the least concern, like ask about how he is and stuff? of course if he's the chao geng type then you will want to think twice. but he's unlikely to be.

point is, how transient things are. that's his favourite word. it's nothing to do with being emotional, or giving the oh-im-so-concerned-about-him kinda philosophy. it's really being concerned about people. i bet when most ppl ORD their colleagues just don't give a shit bout them. of course if you don't give a damn bout people you will get back the same cold treatment. but if u take it to another level, can i also propose that life's like that. you return as ashes, and that's all that's left. memories fade, everything else too.

so. do give a shit.

mobile gym

2005-09-22T22:17:00.000+08:00

Let me introduce you to my mobile gym.

The Scott Speedster

Though not the highest end i.e. Trek, Cervelo etc etc but it's functional. Yupp

and then you ask why do i leave the helmet there. that's cruising at 17.3 km/h: you don't need a helmet then, trust me.

b-e-a-utiful

2005-09-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

here's a no-brainer - spot the cloud ring

saturdays at east coast park. find it a chore to bring my camera with me, but when I do, I try to put it to good use?

Lose Control

2005-09-21T09:48:00.000+08:00

music make u lose control
music make u lose control

(Fatman Scoop)
lets go
yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah
here we go now
here we go now
here we go now
here we go now
watch out now
(music make u lose control)
misdemeanors in da house
ciaras in da house
misdemeanors in tha house
fat man scoop man scoop man scoop

(Missy Elliot)
ive got a cute face
chubby waist
thick legs n shape
rump shakin both wayz
make u do a double take
plan rocka show stopa
flo froppa head knocka
beat stalla tail droppa
do ma thang muthafukas
ma rose royce lamborghini
blu madina alwayz beamin
ragtop chrome pipes
blu lights outta sight
no me sow it n
set it n sow it n
make dat money tho it n
booty bouncin gon hit

(Missy Elliot & Ciara)
everybody here
get it outta control
get yo backs off tha wall
cuz misdemeanor said so
everybody
everybody
everybody

(Missy Elliot)
everybody

(Ciara)
well ma name iz ciara
4 all u fly fellaz
no 1 can do it betta

(Missy Elliot)
she’ll sing on acapella

(Ciara)
boy tha music
makes me lose control

(Missy Elliot)
we gon make u lose control
and let it go 4 u kno
u gon hit tha flo

i rok 2 da beat till im tired (tired)
walk n da club it’s fiya(fiya)
get it krunk and wired
wave ya hands scream louda
if u smoke den fiya it up
bring da roof down
den holla
if u tipsy stand up
dj turn it louda
take sumbody by da waist den uh
now tho it in dey face like uh
hypnotic robotic
this here will rok yo bodies
take sumbody by da waist den uh
now tho it in dey face like uh
systematica static
this hit be automatic

work wait
work work work wait
work work work wait
work work work wait
do it right

(Fatman Scoop)
hit tha floor hit tha floor
hit tha floor hit tha floor
hit tha floor hit tha floor
hit tha floor

(Missy Elliot & Ciara)
everybody here
get it outta control
get yo backs off tha wall
cuz misdemeanor said so
everybody
everybody
everybody

(Missy Elliot)
everybody

(Fatman Scoop)
lets go

(Missy Elliot)
everybody here
get it outta control

(Ciara)
get yo backs off da wall)
(Missy Elliot)
cuz misdemeanor said

(Ciara)
so
everybody
everybody
everybody

(Missy Elliot)
everybody
get loose

(Fatman Scoop)
put yo back on tha wall
put yo back on tha wall
putyo back on tha wall
put yo back on tha wall

misdemeanors in da house
ciaras in da house
misdemeanors in tha house
(music make u lose control)
we on fiya
we on fiya
we on fiya
we on fiya
now tho it gurl
tho it gurl
tho it gurl
tho it gurl
yeah
now move yo arm 2 tha left gurl
now move yo arm 2 tha left gurl
now move yo arm 2 tha right gurl
now move yo arm 2 tha right gurl
lets go now lets go now lets go now
wooo lets go
should i bring it back right now
now bring it back now
woooo oohhh
i see u c
now ima iam do it like c did
now shake it gurl
cum on and jus shake it gurl
cum on and jus shake it gurl
cum on and jus shake it gurl
cum on and let it pop right gurl
cum on and let it pop right gurl
cum on and let it pop right gurl
now bak it up gurl
bak it up gurl
bak it up gurl
bak it up gurl
woooo woooo woooo
go go
bring it 2 da front gurl go go
bring it 2 da front gurl go go
bring it 2 da front gurl go go
bring it 2 da front gurl lets go lets go lets go
wooo

those were the days

2005-09-17T21:13:00.000+08:00

Our little gathering after the hwachong track anniversary a few weeks ago.

Things have changed. And that is an understatement.
A few familiar faces, but the good throng of them are strangers. I don't remember looking so kiddish when I was young. The speeches by the captains...they all seem so childish. It's just not the hwachong it used to be anymore. The way things were conducted. There was no authority, not many good seniors back, no inspirational speeches. All too unfamiliar.

What's left of my track days. The three of us.

Office life sucks. Consider it lucky I'm there, but some people don't make life easy.

Three people have been hauled to court for making racist comments. tsk tsk.

randomness

2005-09-15T13:33:00.000+08:00

hate myself for being so lazy

on unbearable pain

2005-09-14T14:33:00.000+08:00

sometimes it gets so unreasonably, unjustifiably painful, you feel that piercing a sharpened pole through your shoulder might be better after all

waxing lyrical

2005-09-11T09:29:00.000+08:00

George Michael - Jesus to a Child

Kindness in your eyes
I guess you heard me cry
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

I'm blessed, I know
Heaven sent and heaven stole
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

And what have I learned
From all this pain?
I thought I'd never feel the same
About anyone
Or anything again
But now I know

When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to youOn those cold, cold nights
When you've been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you
When there's no hope in sight
Sadness in your eyes
No one guessed, or no one tried
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

Loveless and cold
With your last breath you saved my soul
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

And what have I learned
From all these
I've waited for you all those years
And just when it began
He took your love away
But I still say

When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you
On those cold, cold nights
When you've been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you
When there's no hope in sight

So the words you could not say
I'll sing them for you
And the love we would have made
I'll make it for two
For every single memory
Has become a part of me
You will always be
My love
Well, I've been loved
So I know just what love is
And the lover that I kissed
Is always by my side
Oh the lover I still miss

Was Jesus to a child

eternity

2005-09-09T14:46:00.000+08:00

a taste of eternity is now

borrowed thoughts

2005-09-08T08:36:00.000+08:00

The following extract is from dalena.blogspot.com (dalena if you're reading this i hope you're not pissed that i lifted this from your blog)

=====================================================

It's strange how I can be surrounded by dozens of people, smiling, laughing, chatting merrily like there's nothing more to life than having fun, yet feel so alone all the same. It almost seems like the more people there are, the more alone I feel.

I don't want much, I just don't want to be stranded alone in this endless blue sea. Perhaps I'm just not made to drift from place to place like I always thought I was, perhaps I should find a comfortable spot to hurl an anchor down at and make it my home.

Maybe surrounded by/A million people I/Still feel all alone/I just wanna go home

I just wanna go home.

=====================================================

i find what this ex-schoomate of mine wrote in her blog very close to my heart. and then u realise perhaps people who seem to have that much of a life are empty inside after all.

remedy?

dalliance of spg and other stories

2005-09-07T15:08:00.000+08:00

as some of you might know, spg is attached, but even then there are the consequential woes that tag along with this new-found love interest.

anyway, what i do not catch is how she can go to church, take in the sermon, and tell everyone she can walk out of it and fornicate and continue her lifestyle? im not in a position to judge, but isn't it contradictory and hypocritical of her?

to top it off, she will also seem to be unable to find an issue with polygamy. staying true to someone. how is it that she can face the church population?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

is marriage really so hard to keep? already as it is, people are finding it increasingly uphill a task to get hitched and to stay together, and yesterday an article had to be written about how marriage is somehow an outdated concept.

it's never about religion. holy matrimony. no. marriage can still be a vow. no doubt there is no promise of forever, but i think it's the promise of better choice that lures one spouse away from the other. we will end up feeling a whole lot less screwed up if we 1) make informed decisions before committment 2) know what ticks and what does not in a marriage

but marriage is still important. people still need strings attached to maintain some sorta obligation. but nowadays people just desire to be free, have space etc. they want just to cohabitate and that's it. whatever happened to lifetime partnerships? a figment of my imagination?

on beating traffic lights

2005-09-07T12:52:00.000+08:00

for guys, green light all the way till As, then NS, a big break, then uni...

I used to take uni as a break after NS. Now it's the opposite. After reading about everyone's hectic lives, I realise we eventually busy ourselves around the system. System of education, then for a pathetic 2 years of pledging loyalty to the nation, then the system of education again (cept it's no longer under MOE), and system of work. you're forever working your butts off for the people who designed the system for you to be under.

it's quite funny how people make their lives seem so big and glam in their blogs when in real life it's just a far cry.

suddenly i've lost the zeal with regards to warcraft.
have i grown up?

read this

2005-09-05T19:35:00.000+08:00

tell me is it just me. why bother to contact people when they dont give two hoots about you. just patronising you.

i guess im gonna stop writing so much - at least for now. there is no point. why should i share what i have to say when i have the diary? why should i feed voyeurism? im not paranoid by the way.

i hope this is one of the last mcs i will take for the year. i feel really bad. major sean is uber nice. he's like the best officer ive ever met. maybe his philosophy is to treat his men well and they will in turn give him loyalty. i guess it didn't work for the beginning, but now it just might.

two st mic's pri sch kids were eating at fish and co at novena today. one ate escargo. wtf. rich kids. haha. then when he was done he tossed the leftovers to his other dining partner. so cute. so spoilt.

the NTU system is called Student Automated Registration System. see what that means? SARS. haha.

bushwhacked

2005-09-03T13:23:00.000+08:00

This is what makes the world a depressing junkyard to live in.

In case you were wondering, the caption of this picture (credits: weekendTODAY, September 3 - 4, 2005, Mediacorp Press, incorporating Streats, pg 12) says "Ms Sarah Johnson yells for someone to help her patient - for whom she provides in-house care - outside the Convention Center in New Orleans. Many of the old and sick have been left stranded in the wake of the hurricane."

"Is this really America?", the title of this article proposes. In the wake of this freaking disaster, Bush had better be doing something. Tardy response is correct.
I feel like shit. I want to do something. But no. I can't. There are too many to help. People are like rats in Superdome stadium. Help has been slow to come. Is this the American dream? Highly probable that this is the American nightmare.

"A year ago, the US army corps of engineers proposed to study how New Orleans could be protected from a catastrophic hurricane, but the Bush administration ordered that the research not be undertaken".

Sad.

Hardly do I sound so sombre, serious. But this is my take on life. It's selfish. It's every man for himself.

constance

2005-09-02T16:19:00.000+08:00

had a really bad day today. supposed to go MMI for appmt. took 961, changed bus at KAP, took 74 then alighted at buona vista to take the usually-crowded 95.
when i finally got there at 10 am sharp, they freaking told me my letter was not valid. it was dated 22nd july, but only valid for 1 mth, and my appmt is like today - september. wtf lah. the army i must say really sux. they're so damn bloody can't be bothered. this is not the first time. nee soon camp that time too. they had me go all the way there. those two slackers claimed that they tried to call me, but i tuned out that they didnt because my hp was turned on all the time and no calls were received. wtf. so i have to go to the MO AGAIN to ask for the letter. like i will. see how.

then i went to collect the name cards. wtf. they told me that they didnt complete. so i took 3/4 of the completed stuff back to office. better still, thanks to calvin, he told me to take the UPHILL 174 when i should take the DOWNHILL one. in the end wasted so much time. prior to that, i walked at least 2 km freaking hell in the rain trying to look for chin swee road and york hill. in the end it was a really ulu place UP A HILL. sigh.

so much for that. had to go back home to change, went back to office at 245 after clearing col tan's pass. that's a short but strenous walk up the gombak hill!

joel told me law is like full of super chao muggers. really hate the idea of moving ALONE to bt timah campus. though the reasons arent as lame as i thought. i don't know if i can last that long there. all i know is that i'll lose more if i don't. bother.

so anyway, today is a freaking macham holiday-disaster for me. and it's half an hour to end of the week! yay!!!

why are so many of us unattached? or attached but still break? i don't mean players, i mean real relationships. why? is it cos they're too many options i.e. we become too spoilt for choice? i think it's just right and only right to have someone in your life who's constantly gonna be there despite all odds. no doubt there may be accidents but heaven forbid. assuming ceteris paribus without death/accident. we need someone not something constant to be in our lives. there's just too much touch and go.

kelvin won. im not surprised. i think it's a breakthrough. doesnt necessarily mean i support him totally. but it's good lah. it's good.

can't blog now. time to go. hahaha

harbin and proj superstar

2005-09-01T09:12:00.000+08:00

harbin was not as lame as expected...but the food was quite ok-crappy, the environment was like in m'sia...dusty tables etc. went in with a coat too thin for many, just did a look-and-see thing then went off. very tired. slept from 430 to 8 then slept AGAIN as usual. what is wrong with me?

today's when kelly and kelvin will battle it out. im sure they're good friends yet enemies. even if they claim they put friendship over competition, it's a blatant lie. otherwise, why bother prepping so hard for the final duel? nonetheless, votes are definitely going to be for kelvin. not because he's my namesake, but i think it'll be good for a precedence. a healthy one. where society can accept a visually handicapped superstar. but i feel sorry for kelly. in a way it's unfair to her...you should know what i mean. they're competing on wholly different grounds here. it does not really matter how she performs anymore.

office is quite sian. i already do not like some people in there.

my neck hurts

the equation you've been waiting for

2005-09-01T09:07:00.000+08:00

Question 1: Prove, without the use of a calculator, why girls are evil.

Answer:

Given the statement girls = time x money

and they also say that money is time.

It must be that girls = (money)2 ----- (1)

and since money is the ROOT of all evil,

(money)2 = evil ----- (2)

and therefore Sub. (2) into (1)

Hence girls = evil.

harbin

2005-08-31T11:25:00.000+08:00

today's half day. we're going to harbin...gonna be some lame thing but heck it's half day so who's complaining
slacking in the office like nobody's business. not that i like it.

yesterday i had a really good feeling. unprecedented. seems so surreal. don't worry it's not sex. haha

watermarked lies

2005-08-30T15:18:00.000+08:00

had a "branch meeting" today. jane the auntie is super naggy as usual. and i really don't like the idea of banning people from using internet for un-official purposes. it's not as if i'm busy doing official stuff? then what do u want me to do? sit and breathe till 530 everyday? some people are just senile. plainly so.

charlene once mentioned the track stuff. all the glory in the world...means nothing. cos sports mean nothing. which i thik is true if u decide on a corporate career. all these years of biaing track. i don't regret not getting 1st place or breaking the long jump record, because i have come to realise that all this merely brings glory to the school, but not yourself in the real world. selfish it may be, but tell me everyone is altruistic. i still miss my track days, but it's all just a thing of the past, something that was nice to have, but just a small souvenir on my shelf to testify to the days of perspiration. of having ang ka soon shouting at you from under his umbrella, sprinting, walking in the air...

lies are also that of smu. i can afford to say that because i can get in but i chose not to. it's not groundless. after what xinghao told me, maybe i won't be too harsh on it, but i won't go as far as to say they are different. maybe they FEED the desire to be different, but i think the difference will go as far as the term "seminar" used to describe a "lecture". aren't you people tired of fronting in front of your professors for your participation points?

spg is really disgusting. yeeching and julienne are her course-mates. they told me she sticks to those "ang-moh" bitches just like her...always faking the accents and wearing those sick stuff. yucks.

today's another busy after-day.

for the tech savvy

2005-08-29T13:53:00.000+08:00

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried runningNagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail!!
What can I do?
Desperate
Answer from Technical:
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automaticallyrun the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support

2005-08-29T12:17:00.000+08:00

weekend with weng lock at wheelock. haha...crap brownie with banana ice-cream at the one opp. NYDC cos it's too crowded. he had one strawberry thingie called leanne rhymes or sth haha...lame lor the name.

today is quite slack in office. so far. busy busy after-work day. if u know what im talking about.

vios

2005-08-29T11:55:00.000+08:00

drove calvin's vios and we went for makan at adam road hawker, with eve. think i drove for less than 30 mins in total. but nevertheless, i appreciate it.

look ma, i won!

2005-08-24T12:11:00.000+08:00

no not me. no doubt Project Superstar is a publicity stunt more than anything else, but Kelvin, or Wei Lian, is really worth respecting. though I went there once for their pre-recorded sessions during the Q-finals, didn't get to see wei lian sing. but i did, once. last year after a one of those seemingly meaningless days mugging at jecl, was going to meet a friend and was already late, but wow...there was a crowd surrounding dunno-who, went closer to listen and it made me remove my headphones. if you know me real well, you'll know that it takes a lot to make me do so. and i listened to this really captivating voice. his songs were of lower key than the original songs usually, but his renditions were so heartwarming, really melted my heart. never have i heard such a sincere voice. think he deserves to win. definitely gets my vote for the grand finals.

-------------------------------------------

why do people not save? i have friends giving tuition and they earn so much a month but in the end spend it all on clubbing, pubbing, food, movies, k-box and the like. i question how much utility can be derived from all these senseless spending. nowadays, banks play the pivotal role by extending credit to almost everyone. 100% loan coverage...etc. im not gonna live on credit. it sucks. i used to lead a life of spending like there's no tomorrow, but i realised that it's quite unnecessary. ludicrous to be spending more than you earn. overestimate your financial prowess. for me, i can never stand paying someone interest rate, over and above the actual owed amount. or should i advocate people to spend more, cos it's an injection to the circular flow of income, and since AE = C + I + G + (X -M) and C is one of the largest components if not the largest, it would help boostnationalincoemandthusleadtothemultiplier
whichinturncankickoffthemultiplieraccelerator
effectandiftheeconomyhasyettoreachfullemployment
itwillnotbeinflationaryafterallandemploymentwill
riseandpeoplewillspendmoreandthecyclegoesonandon.

dream a little dream of him

2005-08-24T11:25:00.000+08:00

guess who i dreamt of. my gawd. i dreamt of chief of defence force...wtf. i think i vaguely remember having a conversation with him at some hawker centre, and he was psyching me into putting in my best for the army. what's the catch? he was dressed and LOOKED like kim jung ill...grey, old-fashioned attire and all, plus his ampulet was black, really beats me why. haha. totally hilarious.

meiling on half day today, and xinghao is nowhere to be found...

yesterday met eemin to get the maths tys for classified use :) saw the flooding of clementi station by NUS folks.

and i keep teling myself, i'll be there...not so soon, but i will.

and i said to myself, what a wonderful world...

i am so deluding myself.

harvesting the bad grain

2005-08-23T11:40:00.000+08:00

have i told you about city harvest?
i don't know why i have such strong feelings about this particular church, because i can't pin down one specific nagging reason behind this stand, but i guess sometimes, instincts do help.

when you enter the church, you get the impression that it's a very up-to-date church. hip. people are well-dressed, no more than when they go clubbing. just want to share with you some very interesting things i have observed during my few visits there.

1) they love statistics. 5000 people were converted in one conference, another dunno how many passed PSLE with flying colours...

2) in their weekly bulletins, they STIPULATE how many hours a person needs to study, explicit classifying them into pri, sec, jc, poly, uni etc. this is nothing but stupid.

3) in one visit, they managed to slide a letter into the bulletin, seemingly to justify why ho yeow sun deserved to be termed a pastor and refuting the press' alleged negative statements about her

4) disgusting and shamelessly, they always publicize ho yeow sun. "buy her cds!" they would eagerly flash at every service on the big screen, as if the proceeds go to the church fund.

5) the only church in singapore where a pastor isn't a pastor but someone who is a pastor on the basis that she is the pastor's wife. the husband in turn names himself senior pastor simply because he's the founder of the church. talk about deserving.

6) arguably the most costly church in spore. tens of millions for its jurong west compound

7) not only helped organized the FOP 05, but sold it's own cds there at 18?

8) "first, take our your wallet, then take out your money, put it in the envelope, and GIVE EXTRAVAGANTLY, ABUNDANTLY" blah blah all that jazz. dont be lame lah kong hee hee. ure not leading a bunch of kindergarten kids. u think ure the only one who speaks good english?

9) camera cranes. macham the ones in mediacorp.

10) video-conferencing facilities. can't you wait till the leaders come back?

many people consider new creation the parallel of city harvest. oh come on. a world of difference.

poor guy, rich guy

2005-08-23T11:18:00.000+08:00

poor guy is me. rich guy is the guy driving the white beemer 3 series who fetched us from 5 sir back to mindef.

had to do AHM duty today...crap. woke up at 6 (which hasnt been the case for a freaking long time), at bus stop by 630...that's even earlier than when i was at nee soon camp. still, i was late, because i forgot bus service starts at 6 am usually...and usually wont get to my place in time. anyway, boonz didnt scold me haa. damn farnie. i said sorry then he "umm", macham acknowledge liddat.

was allocated to be marshall. which is good then i don't have to carry the stupid jerry can. all this thanks to wenglock lah who juz returned from his course and wanted me to stand in for him so he can do his job. just as well, one more duty left to go.

yesterday was better. went to holland v with jas, she had laksa and being the fag that i am i decided to stick to nasi lemak. THEN we had dessert. sth called cool oasis at haagen dazs, yummy.

had pizza at Spizza along balmoral road there. where i was sitting, really like macham romantic dinner. saw this ang-moh accented eurasian look-alike with a pack of cigarettes talking to her two friends, a couple. wasted man. why do people get wasted on cigarettes. all these good-lookers. so damn wasted. i'll never marry someone who smokes like, hardcore. would you?

TGIF

2005-08-19T13:49:00.000+08:00

thank God it's fridae...this week has been an exceptionally long week. maybe i expect to be slack...but ive learnt that when u come from a point of expectation, you'll most probly be disappointed. oh well. today meiling pms...haiz...felt like losing my cool, and in fact lost it during canteen break, but not in front of her. haiz, wadeva lah.

maj sean asked kaiyuan to ta bao lunch n dinner for him...from the chicken rice stall and hokkien mee. i think he really deserves praise. he's not exactly from the most stellar of schools, but his work ethics is really good. hope he's not overdoing it, hope he's not neglecting his wife n family. other than that, keep it at status quo pls sir, then i won't have to stay back like xinghao and kaiyuan last time during the norman and patrick era. he rox my sox! hahaha.

looking forward to the hot date tonite...chill.

and the boys went out to play

2005-08-18T16:47:00.000+08:00

it was drizzling, but we took LTC Desmond's Hyundai Tucson (or sth) down to GBRC to play badminton. at first it was me and xinghao vs yingning, then me vs them both, finally i challenged desmond at his game. we soon advanced to full court after mr song and fruming vacated the court, and it was pretty much full play. this guy is like a virtual pro...smash him, he takes, another smash, it's returned, do an ultimatum, and it's back to you again. sigh. so i decided to change strategy and do the drop shots. ha! it worked. lalalaa. but head is really damn pro. marksman. IPPT GOLD! lt col at 35. pro.

sean major lagi best. he's only 29 i juz discovered, and already attained that rank. whoa. MINDEF sure retains the best peeps. he came back today from Italia and bought us useful but perishable stuff like nougats, and non-perishable but useless stuff like corks. it's the thought that counts, yes, but why corks?!!!!

the thought of going home after 30 more minutes is really quite de-stressing. it's 5.01 pm now. ha. ha.

nic's grounded AGAIN. all the folks in his unit are OFF-in-lieu today and he's the only faggot left to tend to the office. confessions of a duty clerk. erhhh

when i stop lamenting

2005-08-18T08:35:00.000+08:00

so many people are going smu. why why why? i almost wanted to be there, the prof already offered me a place during the interview. of course that isn't uncommon, but at that moment in time i was really into the belief that i could make a worthy contribution to the school. while so many of the rjc folks are there now, doing biz, acctancy...i dunno...i heard about the poly ppl etc who are there. i do know of smu scholars who still get top grades to maintain their sship thru sheer mugging, but of course it's more than that that gets you by. not that i reject this new form of education, but it's really too happening for me. i'd probably have lotsa fun...but who's to say these people will finally get their act together in the real working world? maybe the world of accountancy, biz esp. has changed. people are more dynamic, vibrant is the name of the game and you have lotsa socialising to do. but i still prefer the old way. it's the safest route. maybe im not ready for change. prove me. wrong.

the US system in SMU...the SMU jump...the "different" students...tell me it's not a fad. the students who enter are already different in a sense because they want to be different and are already halfway there. once fine-tuned, they become a full-fledged, true-blue so-called SMU student. i don't know...there might be a bubble, there might not. we'll see.

boss is back! i can now forget about skiving...haha...actually, now now, come to think of it, having an upperstudy ain't bad after all.
u get to use the com during work! in fact, both upper and understudy are DAMN FREE! muahahaa...

during the weekend i read about Bertrand Lee, the local budding filmmaker who lost his leg in a freak accident in India. wth, the driver ran over him with a truck that weighed at least a ton. bad enough that he already ran it over, that freaking driver REVERSED when he heard Lee screaming in pain...my gawd. that's freaking twice over. one leg was crushed, the other flattened. he appeared in Life!'s cover page. seriously, what a reminder. we can never be too sure. what seemed to be an innocent filmmaking trip changed his life totally. life is just so fking unfair.

yesterday i saw this guy with like...really big pimples popping up all over his body...my hair literally stood on ends.

whatever it is, we should just cherish the time we have here. if we are able, appreciate it. if we aren't exactly able, just make do and make life fulfilling. though cliched, life sends us all these reminders constantly, to count our lucky stars, up in the azure sky.

it gets better

2005-08-16T11:58:00.000+08:00

yes, things did improve slightly today...managed to get access to O: thanks to mr song and i had to log into my account, transfer the files over from D: to O:, then log into Xinghao's and transfer from O: to F:, it's final destination, because only xinghao has the right to disable encryption. sigh. stupid long tedious process. and only about 10 songs per transfer...so i had to repeat the logging in and out for tens of times...took me until now and i still have one last batch of transfer...because the computer is so cock...i mean, slow.

today was pretty free. i suspect wenglock is right. meiling doesn't appear to be a slavedriver after all.

junwan's leaving today. all the best, gal!

nic told me that the doc put him on a drip today. wtf. i mean he said he couldn't refuse or else he'll be charged. why are those fkers there so trigger-happy? every little thing they do, they'll get charged. when he dislocated his shoulder the other time due to rollerblading, they barred him PERMANENTLY from doing that again, else he'll be charged. these people really have nothing better to do. and to think they don't even have a 24-hour medical facility to tend to his fever yesterday, and he couldn't book out. what if something happens to him? are they going to hide it? just like all the other suicide cases?

a friend asked me why i was doing such a "dumb" job like a clerk. why i was not going something that used my brain. since when does this organization require people to -really- utilize their mental faculties? clerks should be the privileged few who get exposure to office life, use a bit of brains and think about real issues. mindef has the smartest people. of course, that doesn't include me because i wasn't directly posted there, but you get the idea. chiong sua like those OCTs? NO WAY. I wouldn't waste my brain space to learn how to fire the sar21, saw, wadeva.

brian finally confessed that he owed his indifferent facade yesterday to tiff. im glad he has it all sorted out. he'll be at the losing end if he continues to sink into temporary depression just because of this girl. no doubt she means a lot to him, but they haven't even really got it going yet. patience man.

when i got the phone back yesterday, i was really over the moon for a second or two at least. i was really afraid they might tell me it's beyond repair, after which i would hit the roof then come back to earth and be resigned to fate. fortunately, it's working fine now that they changed the lcd screen. but on the other hand, i wanna chide myself for being such a wussy these two days without da fone.

for laughs, courtesy of xinghao, do visit these sites if you're free:
yeocheongtong.com
xiaxue.blogspot.com
xialanxue.blogspot.com
pinkshoefetish.blogspot.com
andrewkuan.com
and my "favourite"....sarongpartygirl.blogspot.com

somehow, she makes quite a bit of sense sometimes, just that she's really too outrageous, beyond this world this time. but society needs its eccentrics, don't we?

-----------------------------------------------------
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby

sh*t happens

2005-08-16T10:15:00.000+08:00

definitely far from the end of the world, but still had a pretty long series of unfortunate events, and it possibly continues beyond today.

after a stupid day at work on friday, went to capitol tower for a talk about why we need Jesus organized by eagles communications, some pro-ac organization. it was pretty good, the talk, except that it was less than a quarter full. how sad. the downhill journey began when i carelessly dropped my fone face-down...and the top half of the lcd screen turned black...great. so i used up my warranty already. and over the weekend i realised that being uncontactable is the one of the worst things that can happen to you, coming a close second behind being physically disabled. you have to constantly borrow people's fone, insert your sim card and make sure you don't drop theirs! keep yours after use in a cute little box for temporary storage until someone else willing to reset the phone's time and date settings just for your sake surfaces. how helpless is that. you're feeling totally parasitical, yet you can't do anything about it. moral? don't lose/spoil your phone. while that seems totally far-fetched and increasingly difficult to prevent, go get a spare. otherwise, welcome to my pain.

but the pain didn't stop there. while listening to the talk, weng lock msged me and i realised then that i accidentally deleted my blog. of course, some of the 9 or so previous entries are pretty noteworthy. but that isn't to say it can't be done again. im almost over it, just that certain html stuff i have to retype again makes me sian.

then you might wonder why it's a series of unfortunate events. it's really one after the other. saturday was supposed to be my cycling day, but i ended up at the nokia care centre to you-know-what...repair the fone! was sitting at some chair at wheelock (no pun intended, weng lock) place...and my mp3 started skipping tracks...it didn't play...argh. so i deleted all the songs...:(((. coming back to office today, i realise that it can't be salvaged from the office's com. the files cannot be decrypted, hence cannot transfer back to my mp3 player. in short, i can't get the songs back!!! the only back-up is my white colour mp3 player...but some of the songs might be lost in the midst. sigh.

i really hope that this trail of misery comes to a stop. what to do? shit happens.